Date:Rahoroi, 5 o Hui Tanguru i te tau 2005 te ra
I was a sad child.I felt like I had nobody I could truly relate to or even talk to so it is little surprise that for all of my life I have felt out of place.I only wanted to find a person,just ONE person who could make me feel desirable and appreciated.
One day,I was at school in history class with the rest of my classmates.We were studying the native tribe of New Zealand,the Maoris.Our teacher gave us the pleasure of watching a video which enlighted us about their homeland, customs and traditions.At a certain point in the video,there was a screenshot of a towering,butch,intimidating beast of a man.One of my classmates shouted aloud,"Kiri,he looks like you!" From that point on,I felt like I had finally found my soul.
Come on,all of the signs were just blatant.I dont know why I didn't notice them prior to this incident:I have black hair,so do Maoris!I have a tan,so do Maoris!Come on,did I really need any more evidence?To anyone with half a brain...it was obvious.
I will always remember that day when I found out that my forename is actually of Maori origin,my body swelled with a feeling of exhuberance.My smile beamed from ear to ear and to be brutally honest,i was proud.For the first time in my life I felt alive,free and I felt like I fitted in.
However it wasn't actually all happy memories,you know.After discovering my true roots,I made a long haul trip to New Zealand where I was rejected of a NZ Maori nationality with the shit poor excuse that I am a British Caucasion.I have Maori roots you fucks.My name,Kiri Smith is Maori.
It was then I realised just how hard it is being a Maori.My tribal brothers and I are subject to a disgraceful quantity of racism.I was even arrested once,you know*.We all know that this occurred because of my skin colour and ethnic background,fucking racist bastards.
Here I am at the NZ International Customs Control:
I will return to NZ one day.I am very prepared actually.I have been to the Social Security office in the UK have my name changed by deed poll.I now go by the name of Kiri Te Waka Mahauariki.
I am currently studying the Maori language so I can communicate with my fellow tribal comrades.I have learned the Haka dance too,which I practise at various rubgy events around the UK.Unfortunately,I believe I am the only true Maori amongst the British people so when they violently yell 'get off the fucking pitch you retarded bitch' I understand where they are coming from. Oh well,the doctor says that the internal bleeding surrounding my spleen should stop within a few months.
Anyway,I am fully prepared for my next visit to NZ where hopefully I will be granted a Maori passport.I am the proudest Maori female ever to step foot on this earth.I have already had my passport photo taken ready for when they accept me:
For all of you Maori haters out there here is a little message for you racist bastards:
HOATU HE TINO PAI NANEKOTI AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Fuck off.You are big fat goats arses!)
Maori Pride World Wide!
Miss Kiri Te Waka Mahauariki Smith
*Since when has performing the Haka,naked,with a bow and arrow been a violation of public health and safety??????